PERSUASIVE COMMUNICATION

PERSUASIVE COMMUNICATIONS: USING YOU-ATTITUDE AND READER BENEFIT

FOCUS ON "YOU" INSTEAD OF "I" AND "WE"


Your receivers are usually more concerned about themselves than
about you or the company you represent. They are more likely to
read your message when they see their name and the pronoun "you"
rather than "I," "we," or "us."

Usually it is desirable to get your reader into the first
paragraph. (Exceptions are presented later in this section.) If
psychologically desirable, begin with "you" or "your," and keep
your reader in the message (tactfully) until you finish. The
opposite of the you-attitude is the we-attitude, in which the
writer views every matter from his or her own (or the
organization's) standpoint rather than from the reader's:

We-Attitude You-Attitude

I want to send my congratu- Congratulations to you on
lations for. . . . your. . . .

We will ship soon the goods You should receive by May 8
in your May 4 order. the Apex screens you ordered
May 4.

We pay 8% interest on. . . . You earn 8% interest on. . . .

The we-attitude department store message, letter 1 below,
contains 20 "we-our-us-I-my" pronouns (underlined) and only 3
"you's" (bold).

Letter 1 We-attitude.

May I take this opportunity to express my thanks for the
account you recently opened with our store. We are pleased
to furnish a wide variety of products for the home or
individual customers.

We want you to take full advantage of our store services, for
we have the largest stock in the city. Also we make
deliveries of our customers' purchases free of charge within
30 miles of our store.

The next two paragraphs--omitted here to save space and
reading--have four "we's," three "our customers," and no
"you." The last paragraph is:

We welcome you to Bekinson's. If we can be of additional
service in any manner, please call on us.

In contrast, letter 2--rewritten for more you-attitude--
contains 20 "you's" and "your's" (bold) and only 2 "we-our-us"
pronouns (underlined):


Letter 2 You-attitude.

Thank you for the account you recently opened at Bekinson's.
Serving you with your needs for clothing and home furnishings
is a pleasure.

You can satisfy all your shopping needs when you visit any of
Bekinson's 32 well-stocked departments. Our courteous,
skilled salesclerks are ready to assist you in selecting the
merchandise that best meets your requirements.

If you prefer to shop within the comfort of your home, instead
of coming to the store, you need only telephone 555-8823. A
Personal Shopper will gladly take your order for any number of
items, answer your questions about brands and sizes available,
and see that the goods you order reach you by store delivery
within a few days.

When you shop at Bekinson's downtown store, you are invited to
use the free customer parking privilege provided just across
the street.

You are always welcome at Bekinson's. Please call on us
whenever you need additional services.

As the foregoing examples illustrate, a letter is likely to
have better you-attitude when it contains more "you's" than
"I's." But there are notable exceptions! An extreme example is
the collection letter with "you" or "your" in almost every
sentence; if those sentences are insulting, sarcastic, tactless,
or untrue accusations and threats against the debtor, the letter
surely lacks you-attitude.

In two kinds of situations it is advisable not to use "you."

1. When the reader has made a mistake:

Poor: You failed to enclose your check in the envelope.

Better: The envelope we received did not have a check in
it.

Poor: Your contract tells you plainly that. . . .

Better: I am glad to explain more fully the contract
terms.

2. When the reader has expressed an opinion different from
your own:

Poor: You are entirely wrong in your attitude.

Better: The proposed plan has three aspects which are
extremely important and which we need to explain
now.

SHOW READER BENEFIT OR INTEREST IN READER


Whenever possible and true, show how your readers will
benefit from whatever the message asks or announces. They will
be more likely to react favorably and do what you suggest if you
show that benefits are worth the effort and cost. In situations
where actual direct reader benefit is impossible or irrelevant to
the subject matter, the message should at least show interest in
and concern for the reader's needs or viewpoint.

Even a simple request gets better response when a reader-
benefit plug accompanies it.

For example, an insurance company that wanted to update its
address files sent to half its policyholders a double postcard
with this message:

Because we have not written you in some time, please help us
bring our records up to date by filling in and returning the
other half of this card.

Only 3 percent of these cards came back. To the remaining
half of its policyholders the firm sent the same request--
reworded to show reader benefit:

So that dividend checks, premium notices, and other messages
of importance may reach you promptly, please fill out and
return the other half of this card.

This request brought 90 percent of the cards back in a few
days!

Merely inserting the word you does not ensure you-attitude,
as shown in this sentence:

You will be glad to know that we now have a Walk-Up Window
open 7-9 a.m. and 3-8 p.m. every weekday.

Some readers may wonder, "So what?" The revised sentence
includes reader benefit:

You can now take care of your banking needs also at our new
Walk-Up Window. It is open with a capable teller to serve you
7-9 a.m. and 3-8 p.m. Monday through Friday.

Reader-benefit appeals help collect payments on bills, soften
the blow in a turndown, and sell products. Though your company
is in business to make a profit, you omit that selfish-sounding
idea; the reader assumes it anyway and is motivated only by what
benefits he or she receives. Reader-benefit appeals are
desirable also in job applications, favor requests, and
announcements to your customers, prospective buyers,
stockholders, and employees. Whether you are writing to one
person or to large numbers, try to personalize the reader
benefits (as in letter 2) instead of stating them in a general
way ("our customers," as in letter 1).

If your organization provides employee benefits--such as
health insurance and various retirement plans--management should
make every effort to assure that all employees understand and
appreciate those benefits. Many may be unaware that their
employer spends more than one-third of the total payroll on
employee benefits. To inform employees effectively, management
can use such media as memos, employee manuals, bulletins, policy
statements, company magazines, newssheets, reports, posters,
films, and notes in pay envelopes.

Exercise

Change the following sentences so that they emphasize you-
attitude instead of we-attitude.

a. We allow 2 percent discount for cash payments.



b. This is just the kind of job I am looking for, since it
offers me a chance to get practical experience in personnel
work.



c. We value your patronage, for satisfied customers are the
foundation of our success.



d. Since we have our own obligations to meet, we must ask your
immediate attention to your past-due account.



e. We do not send receipts, because of the extra work involved
for us; of course, you have your canceled checks anyway.



f. Our pamphlet is designed to help its readers get the most out
of raising beautiful roses.



g. We hope to have the pleasure of showing you what we think is
the finest assortment of Italian boots in the city.



h. To help us improve our production schedule, we would
appreciate your ordering two weeks in advance.



i. I wish to tell you that we are sending your new coat
tomorrow.

The Power of About Us Page

An About Us page is your calling card. When a prospective customer visits your website, in all probability he would visit the "About Us" page first to know about your company. What he reads there can make or mar the reputation in his eyes.

Therefore one should lend extreme care while writing a company's About Us page.

A 2003 study entitled "'About Us'-Presenting Information About an Organization on Its Website", which found that 30 percent of the websites studied needed to revamp their "About Us" section so that visitors could more easily find what they were looking for.

Some effective resources to learn on About Us:

http://www.useit.com/alertbox/about-us-pages.html

http://www.clickz.com/3623058